where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
