I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
