Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
