I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
