omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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