Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
