do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
