her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
And then he peed in my hair
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