I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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