I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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