is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
