I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
