see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
