i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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