now i know why i became what i already was.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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