I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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