literally had 100 drinks last night.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
