Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
