WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
