He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
