I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
