from now on my penis is your penis
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
4 words: hood of his car
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
