Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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