I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
