We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
