I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
