Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
