I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
