My brain says no but my pants say off.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
