Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Sober January is a disaster.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
