So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
time to smoke my breakfast
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Terrible idea I love it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
