the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
