dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Randomize
