I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
