You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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