I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i dont even know how to be here
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
