So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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