Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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