I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
