i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
