the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
