So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Nobody cheats on THIS.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
