I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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