i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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