my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
