508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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