it was like his penis was on wheels.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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