Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
