just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
pray to the hookup gods
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
