I just saw a hot homeless man
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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