I have demons in me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
