By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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